Still Healing

I haven’t been here in a while and that’s okay.  I write by inspiration. No Inspiration, no writing.

Today I am inspired.

It is May 6th the day after the celebration of Cinco de Mayo, the Mexican celebration of the victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla.  It is May 6th, two days before the celebration of Mothers all across the globe.  But today for me is a day overshadowed by loss. How do I turn it into encouragement?  How do I make sense of it?  “She Speaks Encouragement” to others, but how does “she” encourage herself through such a tragic event?  When something so precious, something that can never be replaced has been ripped away with a heart stopping suddenness. No time to think, react or feel; there is only the numbness of disbelief.

I am the type of person that can press down the pain and pretend that if I do not acknowledge it, if I do not talk about it, then it never really happened.  This is not a health way to deal with loss but it was mine. Until the word of God revealed, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16 KJV. 

It is then I realized that to “confess” was to acknowledge the pain, the hurt the anger, that needed to be healed.  As long as I pretended it was not real, I could not be healed.

On July 17, 1989, Time Magazine ran a cover story, “Death by Gun”.  The subtopic was “America’s Toll in one Typical week: 464 The Faces Behind the Statistics”.  One of those faces belonged to my Father. The caption underneath his picture simply read, “A self-employed auto body repairman, he was killed with a revolver by a man with a known history of mental problems.” No mention of the grief stricken wife and the painful loss inflicted upon his 6 children. No mention of the grandchildren he adored or the one’s that would never get to know him.

There were 463 other families’ with pictures of their loved ones in the article.  Then I began thinking of the numerous, senseless deaths by gun since that 1989 article and the May 6 1989 death of my father. I began thinking of the new gun laws that put guns in the hands of those that should never be allowed to carry a gun and my heart aches for the families that will suffer the same heart wrenching, mind numbing pain we felt that day.   I shudder to think what those statistics are today.  I am not a gun rights activist nor am I anti-gun.  I am a daughter trying some 27 years later, to heal as I confess my faults, and to pray for the man that stole from me; so that I might be healed.

So as the laws are passed to allow more and people to carry guns.  I am reminded, “That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust”.  Matthew 5:45 (KJV)”

Our decisions not only affect us but everyone around us.

So how do I encourage when I am discouraged?  I am reminded daily of The God that “so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life”. “John 3:16King James Version (KJV)

See You heaven Daddy.

Father as we see the devastating consequences of our choices; allow us to choose wisely.   As our nation’s leaders make decisions that affect us all let their decisions be with wisdom from you.  Amen

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4 thoughts on “Still Healing

    1. Great job mommy… I still miss him too. You may not find encouragement, but I will pray that you not only find, but be able to walk in peace.

      Love you
      Your baby boy

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